Thanksgiving Post

My thanksgiving looks sort of what you would expect. There is a kids table, and an adults table. We have a turkey which is usually awful, my aunt apparently likes her turkey extra dry and tasteless. Then our cousins come every other year, they have a 14 year old daughter and a 10 year old autistic son, who always brightens my thanksgiving. One time, he stuck mashed potatoes on his ears and ran around saying "I'm an elf!" and singing christmas songs. I do enjoy the holiday, just because I get to see my family that I don't see unless it's Christmas, Thanksgiving or Easter. One of my favorite memories of the holiday is when my cousin's cat, Fifi, jump up on to the counter and started licking all the ham before dinner time. It was hilarious. My aunt started yelling and swatting at Fifi and the whole family was cracking up.

Día de Acción de Gracias

Last night for Thanksgiving dinner we had 19 people over. My mom made turkey, stuffing, and a green been salad with eggs. That was it. The rest of the food came as the invitees arrived. Carolina brought her famous salad, two different kinds of quiche, and some other dish that I don't even know what it's  called (all I know is that it was delicious.) Edna brought rice, arroz con leche and a bocadillo desert. Nadina brought salpicon. Victoria brought a salsa for the turkey, bread and more bread, and some more quiche. And everyone brought wine. Spaniards do love their wine. Then again so do Mexicans, Argentinians and Colombians, but none as much as Spaniards. We had to borrow two tables so that we could seat everyone. And had to borrow even more dishes. The turkey was ready at 3:30 but the first person didn't arrive until half an hour later and the last person not until nearly six. But that's how it always is. It was nearly two in the morning before the last person left. There was music, drinking, and too much food left over. By 10:00, there was a movie playing upstairs, a game of chess downstairs, and a dance party on the PlayStation going on. The younger kids were running around playing spies, using the walkie talkies, yelling that they'd been discovered.
It's weird because we were all Hispanic. None of us had been born here in the States.  In our countries, everyone would be sleeping before going to school in the morning. But we were in the United States of America, a place none of us imagined we would ever be when we were younger, and we were thankful.

Assignment 12 :Flying Turkeys

The stock image Thanksgiving involves a lot of people around a nicely decorated table with a large turkey and a ridiculous amount of extra food. This image doesn't always depict the reality of the holiday though.

What does your Thanksgiving look like? Do you enjoy the holiday? What is your strangest or most wonderful memory of the holiday?

Minimum of 150 words - due Sunday, November 25 at 11:59 pm

Satire #11

Poor Mitt Romney. How could he ever have lost that election. He had such an advantage. After all, he was endorsed by Rush Limbaugh. Perhaps the most influential person in America, Limbaugh endorsed Romney almost five months before the actual election. An astonishingly early decision for such a moderate person. Limbaugh's radio show yields millions of loyal followers of all political sects. An intellectual of the highest class, Limbaugh runs his show with incredible ambivalence. His early endorsement of Romney was shocking and expected at the same time. It WAS shocking because of the time at which it occurred. Way back in July, Limbaugh made it clear that he intended to vote for Romney and support him throughout the next six months. The timing was surprising because of the manner in which he seemed to cast aside Obama. A renowned mediator, Limbaugh is well respected for his ability to accurately and politely measure both Republican and Democratic sides of the issues. Although he does typically lean ever so slightly to the right, he is in now way a radical, much like Romney. This is the part of his endorsement which was not surprising to me at all. In fact, Limbaugh fears and fights against the Tea Party members because he feels as though their ignorant radicalism is tearing apart the Republican party. Like me, Limbaugh is very afraid that if the "in-your-face" radicalism continues the conservative stronghold will fail to keep its organization and lose its place in American politics.

Satire

Sports are the most common form of injury in America. What is it that sports can accomplish? They cause heartbreak for those that don't make a team that can then lead to depression, they cause life long injuries, and above all they in no way benefit that of society. Every year millions of dollars are wasted on sporting events, and if we were to eliminate sports the national deficit would surely be cut in half due to the lack of distractions in our nations capital. I believe sports should be outlawed, and instead academics should be encouraged to take their place. What is the good of sports? The answer is none. 

#11

Our world is just FULL of germs. like how gross. I carry my hand sanitizer around with me where ever i go. it is really the best way to get rid of all those nasty things. why would i want to wash my hands after using the restroom when i can just use hand sanitizer instead? yuck. I just do not understand why anyone still uses sinks, hand sanitizer definitely kills way more germs than soap and water does. plus it comes in all these different fragrances, how smart is that! I love how my school has installed hand sanitizers on the walls in like every room and hallway. it makes it even easier for everyone to go without washing their hands. I really think this has made a huge impact on everyone, making illnesses less common. it seriously kills 99.9% of germs. soap doesn't advertise the percent of germs it kills, so hand sanitizer is obviously the better choice. I hope one day they fill our showers with it so we can just bathe in the stuff. That'd be the best idea. no one will get sick ever again!

Monster Mash

I don't understand, do girls think every day is Halloween, I mean girls wear face paint every day. When I walk the halls all the girls I see look like they just came from trick or treating. Their faces and hair are tinted an unnatural color and every feature on their face is exaggerated, they must think every day is Halloween or I don't know what they could be thinking. I guess all these girls think that if they dress for Halloween every day then they will get candy. They do have scary face paint on but their costumes are really awful, they just wear regular shirts and pants. It's as if they all got their costume from the same Halloween store but did their scary unnatural like face paint separately. I feel like I go to a Halloween themed school with all these girls walking around wearing a face that isn't actually theirs. I also get confused I can never tell who is who because they change their face to dress for a continuous Halloween.

Changes (Blog #11)

There is one day of the week that will always have a special place in my heart, Thursday. You see, every other day has at least one positive thing about it: On Mondays, you are refreshed from the weekend even though it is kind of annoying that you're back to work, Tuesdays are an improvement over Mondays simply by virtue of you being used to being back in a work environment now, on Wednesday, one can take solace in the fact that he or she is halfway through the week, Friday is the end of the work week for most people, and Saturday and Sunday are the days that most people have off. As you can see, the general pattern depicts a slight increase in positive attributes to each day, with one exception: Thursday. That is why Thursday is so special to me. It's the one day of the week that manages to somehow be worse than the previous day consistently, quite the accomplishment if I do say so myself. It accomplishes this monumental task through a combination of reminding you that you aren't at Friday yet despite being past Wednesday and being an overall rather plain day. Yes, these two simple attributes are truly what make this day so special to me.

Just get over yourselves already.

I don't care if you were here before me or that you waited for a year for this job, or that you went to college and then grad school and have 12 degrees that qualify you for this job, but I deserve it more than you because I was born a Gatsby.  It doesn't matter to me that you worked on this project for hours and got a B+ on it; I was at the mayor's housewarming party and took my yacht out to impress the girls and didn't have time to finish all of mine, but I deserve an A.  You think this is entitlement? I'll tell you what entitlement is: you believe that since you went to Africa and taught tribes about healthy ways to care for themselves, you deserve to become the next President of the United States.  I don't think so, sister.  I deserve to be the next Prez because my daddy has money.  I don't care that there are children dying of thirst or of health problems because their water is filthy; I refuse to drink tap water because I'm better than that and my special stomach can't handle all the minerals in it.  Mom, you can't take away my brand new Hummer!  I need it to keep my social standing with all the other kids whose parents live in Beverly Hills!

Its the new "new"

Although the iPhone 5 was just released a couple months ago, I would like to announce the release of the NEW iPhone 6! Major improvements have been made such as 15 minute longer battery life, as well as a third camera added to the inside of the phone so you can observe the mechanics of the phone. Countless other large improvements such as these are also included. A new charging input has been installed as well, this way all of your previous phone accessories are completely useless and you are required to a new model of everything. But don't worry, we will include a 5% discount on all accessories with the purchase of your new phone. I can garauntee that the purchase of this phone will be the most life changing decision you have ever made! Of course, that is until the release of the newer iPhone 7 which will be released a week from tomorrow.

Kentucky Folk

What's with those Kentucky people? They're so crazy. I mean like, they all ride horses to get to school and basically have no teeth. They are SUCH hillbillies, and they don't even wear shoes; they walk around barefooted everywhere they go... Yuck. None of their IQ's go above 7, so they're like pretty much stupid. I mean my IQ is like, 8 or 9, so I'm way smarter than that whole state! And on top of all of that, they marry their own family, like their own brothers and sisters and cousins. I heard that everybody's parents are cousins. That's like, so disgusting. They should go out and become more civilized like the rest of the country. Knowing all of this about Kentucky makes me uber glad I'm from California. We have like, a lot more class.
I've never actually been to Kentucky (ew), I just learned this information from like, Urban Dictionary, one of the most trusted websites, like ever.

Abortion Satire

It seems for young teens that get pregnant these days there are a limited amount of options. They can decide to keep their child which has proven to be detrimental to the future of the parent as they attempt to go through school and still be a part of their child's life as much as possible. Or, they can have an abortion. This has been proven to be detrimental to the reputations of the parents, but at least they escape an even worse future with a kid. Right? That is the million dollar question that most of these teens cannot seem to answer. However, the solution is simple. Just have the kid, then give it a few years to prove itself. And if you find you kinda like the little bastard, keep him. But, if you see a lot of failure in your future because some kid is holding you back, just drop him off at the local abortion clinic and dispose of it like you should have years ago. Whats the difference? You still might have to bear the bad reputation that comes from abortion, but at least you can sleep easy knowing you made the right decision for your future, and isn't that the kid of confidence everyone strives for?

[Three Hours Later...]

It took me too long to realize that being like the people around you is the whole point. Being like everyone else makes life much, much easier. I mean, really, you don't have to even think or have an opinion. Everything is already decided for you. Life is handed to you on a platter, all you have to do is go through the motions and enjoy. You don't have to put in any effort whatsoever. Shopping would be a breeze. You would get the skinny jeans and the low cut shirts or the polos and the boots that are in fashion. You would read the books that everyone is reading. Not only that, you could just avoid those terrible moments when you can't decide whether to be happy or sad or confused. You wouldn't have to think about it. There would be no debates over differing ideas- on anything! There wouldn't be any! Can't you just see it now? No fighting, no arguments. We would have world peace. Doesn't that sound wonderful? Life would be much easier if everyone was just the same, everyone thoughts the same way and everyone just agreed with each other.

Speak Right

Last night I went out to eat with my family at Wendy's. It was fine and all, but what really irked me was the cashier didn't speak perfect English. I mean you live in this American country with American people and American jobs, you might think you want to speak the language. I had to repeat myself twice for this man, and I even had to ask in his language if he even knew how to talk. I said "Hablo ingles? Do you speak eeng-lish?" so many times and that ignorant fool just looked at me like I was the idiot. Figures. Sneaking into this country because they are too lazy to take the legal path (it is so much easier to just walk across a river than actually go to a government agency) and then take our jobs and never actually learn to talk right. It's atrocious. This is a Judeo-Christian nation. If English was good enough for the Bible, good enough for Jesus... why do you think it isn't good enough for you.

Learn to talk right kiddo.

Don't Talk to Me About No Basic Human Rights

You see here, I don't know why we've been paying all of this attention to the issue of gay marriage. They keep whining and groaning about how they don't have any rights and such, when that's not true. They have just as many rights as me. I really do think they should just get over their pity party and suck it up. The real world is here, they should try to grow up and live with it. Stop making it all about them.

Cause listen here, I have the same right to marry another man as they do. You don't see me making a fuss about it, trying to change laws just so that they can do what they want and such. They just want things handed to them, like marriage and welfare. Stop whining about what you don't have and work to get to it! "Life is just so hard because I'm gay" you say, well suck it up is what I say! They just want extra rights because they feel entitled. Entitled to what, you say? A life? No, that's not it. No, they feel entitled to special privileges just because they're ~special~ and ~different~.

Stop trying to change the world just because you're "a little different" or "can't marry who you love". It's been like this for years and years. Some whiny little naive brats aren't going to change the world, and well they shouldn't.

I'm not against gay people or anything. I just don't want them entitled to be married or have equal rights under the law. Because I said so.

*Actual argument by one of my family members

Post 11

Ignorance in America is awesome. Why should we read books and be informed on important issues when we have sex scandals? They're so much more interesting, and we don't need to know about world issues, we're in America, they don't affect us. Taxes are stupid too! Why do the citizens have to pay for things that the government need to do for us? You know what, next election I'm voting for whoever cuts taxes the most for me, thats all I care about. Oh my gosh, why are books or newspapers even made? Who cares? Reading takes so much energy and if I need to know something it will be on Inside Edition or the Nation Enquirer. And whoa you're telling me our president is black? When did that happen? I thought his name Barry not Barack! Geez good thing I don't need to know anything and my representative, in an election that I didn't even vote, is making all the decisions for me!

Logic: the Pursuit of My Mother's Intellect

The other day Mother and I were talking. She said "Carson, I want you to rake the leaves."
I said, "can't I use the leaf blower?" "No." "Why not?" "Cause I said so." It went on this way for a while until finally we came to the heart of the matter and the perfect, simple, logical truth: I was unable to stop her because she can do whatever she wanted to me. This seems perfectly reasonable to me, I mean what kind of kid should be allowed to point out flaws in seemingly perfect logic? Silly of me to think that I had some kind of what might be decribed as intelligence wasn't it? In truth she had the most logical and simple plan of all: systematic depreciation of others intellect. Flawless logic I tell you. The kind that works against even the smartest six-year-olds. You know she's sitting over my sholder right now. Even as I write this.

The funny thing is she can't decide if I am being sarcastic. She has such inelegance yet can't decide if she is being outwitted by a 16 year old. 

Satire

Politics are super important in American society. For adults, that is. Adults run for office, adults vote, and adults have the best opinions. It's only natural for adults to be the only ones involved in political issues that affect the entire country. If you're under the age of 18, there's no need for you to have any knowledge about politics. Why would you want to? There are plenty of other, more important things to worry about. Young people need to focus more on their high school relationships and perfecting their social media skills. For a young person to have an opinion on, say, the presidential election is absurd. They can't vote for the leader of the country in which they live, so why care? We need to leave the important decisions and opinions to the more mature citizens who can represent the entire population. With the rapidly advancing technology, we should be able to block minors from learning about anything that has to do with politics. I propose that a microchip should be implanted into the brains of children at birth that will filter out any political ideas and information that they are exposed to until they turn 18. Since this will be developed by adults, it will be the right decision for America.

Barbie Life

I think every little girl should own a Barbie. Not only are they super fun, but Barbies are a good way to give your daughters a respectable role model to look up to and work to be just like. Who wouldn't want to be like a german prostitute? It is exactly what we should strive for. I know you haven't gotten there yet but I encourage putting your efforts into your kids. They need all the help they can get. Manicures and pedicures are a must. So is tanning, a make-up regimen and a rigorous diet and exercise so they get that figure. As they begin to mature, and you see that you failed to give them the curvy gene, plastic surgery is the best option. Our children are becoming too individual. We need to encourage girls, especially younger ones to wear those Hollister and Abercrombie clothes. Now I understand that they might be a little "slutty" but how else are our poor daughters going to find their Ken? This is what our daughters need to strive for, a gorgeous husband, manicured, well behaved children of their own and a McMansion in suburbia. Those hippie types are always encouraging individuality but we all know that there is only one person we need too look up to and make sure our children morph into. The Barbie.

Satire, Post #11

“Fig Newtons are named after a small town in Massachusetts.” This quote from The Big Bang Theory is an example of the important life facts people learn from television. Whether it is learning physics from The Big Bang Theory, brushing up on surgical skills from Grey’s Anatomy, or learning about history and culture from Downton Abbey, television teaches people all they need to know in life, so why go to school to get educated? Everything we need to know sits right there in our living rooms. Who needs to open a textbook anymore? Or read the papers? Just turn to E-News every time you need the latest, most important, hard-hitting breaking news. All people do is talk, talk, talk about how furthering education will help create an even more successful society, but that’s just crazy nonsense. Just pick up the clicker and let the one hundred percent accurate, unscripted, and always fact checked learning begin!