Over
the summer, I heard a woman describe the traditional Jewish process for
engagement and marriage. It was
beautiful. First, the man would tell his
parents that he was interested in marrying a particular woman. After he got his parents’ approval, he would
ask the woman’s parents for her hand in marriage. If the father agreed, the men would discuss
the price the man would pay for the woman.
Then the man would return home and carve a tablet of his family’s
history. It had to be perfect. Next he would carve a tablet of the woman’s
family history. He would then make two
identically perfect tablets, combining their family lines, and give one to each
set of parents. After all of that, he
had to build a room onto his parents’ house for him and his future wife. The tablet-making and room-building would
take over a year – to make sure the woman was pure and not with another man’s
child. Throughout all that time, the
only communication between the future bride and the bridegroom was carried out
by the bridegroom’s best friend. Once
the room was complete, the man and his family, as well as any hired musicians,
would march joyfully to the woman’s house and begin the marriage ceremony.
After
hearing what the woman had to say, I couldn’t help but think, “Man, if someone
went through all of that, they must really want that woman in their
future. To wait that long must have been
so hard, but so worth it.” One thought
led to another, and not too much later I started wondering about everyone who
is denied our version of that tradition of marriage, that treasured process of
engagement. How many don’t even realize
what they are deprived of? How many couples
want to get married, but, because of the law, can’t? What else are they denied because they can’t
get married? And who are we, about 95% of
potential voters, to deny them, our neighbors, our friends, those rights?
Let
me introduce you to 3 sets of people.
First you have Joe and Sally, a couple which recently married and have
been together for over 6 years. Here you
have Alex and Doug, who have been a couple for over 8 years. Last but not least, you have Keri and Morgan,
who have been together for 5 years. The
two same-sex couples want to get married, but their state refuses to allow them
that. They do not enjoy the federal
benefits that come with marriage. They
have not been allowed to have the weddings they’ve dreamed of since they were
little. Is that fair? Is their dream of marriage truly equal to
their reality of a civil union?
My
parents, and most of yours, enjoy over 1,000 federal benefits tied to their
marriage. They have been for over 18
years, and plan to continue doing so for the rest of their lives. Remember Alex and Doug, or Keri and
Morgan? They can’t say the same. Because their significant others aren’t of
the opposite sex, they are denied those benefits. What are those benefits, exactly? They range from benefits for social security,
taxes, federal employment, military, and estate planning, to immigration. If my dad died, my mom could receive money
from the government based on his earnings record. If they file joint tax returns instead of separate
tax returns, they save thousands of dollars a year. If my mom had been born in Switzerland, my dad
could marry her, which would allow her to obtain legal residency and eventually
citizenship here. Keri and Morgan don’t
get any of that; nor do Alex and Doug. They
love each other just as much as my parents do; they work as hard; they are
involved in their communities just as much.
They are just as deserving as my parents to be legally married, yet, because
they are of the same sex, they are denied that right, and every right that goes
with it.
You
might not be familiar with my parents, but you are familiar with some
celebrities. Take Britney Spears and
Kevin Federline. They were married for
about 2 years. Another couple most of us
have at least heard of is Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries – the couple whose
marriage lasted 72 hours. Pamela
Anderson and Kid Rock were married for about 4.5 months. When she was 19, Drew Barrymore was married
to one guy for 6 weeks. When she was 25,
she was married to another guy for about 6 months. Besides being celebrities, what do all of
these people have in common? They portray
marriage as a joke. They may or may not
have taken their vows seriously, but they still legally bound themselves to
another human being, which should be one of the most significant moments of
their lives. Our friends Keri and Morgan
are jealous. All they want is to sign a
document binding them together, something Britney and K-Fed were allowed to do. Why should opposite-sex couples be allowed to
take such an important ceremony and laugh in its face? Some might argue that most married couples don’t
take marriage lightly, and I would agree with them. But it’s the married like Ms. Kardashian and
Ms. Spears that allow my argument to stand.
They are celebrities, which means people all over the world follow their
lives, sometimes looking up to them as role models. Because that’s the case, they, the
celebrities, are the ones who potentially mold the idea of marriage into just
another fun activity to partake it.
Famous
same-sex couples, like Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi, and Neil Patrick
Harris and David Burtka, are the role models for Alex, Doug, Keri, and
Morgan. These celebrities give them hope
for their futures together. Keri and
Morgan want to have the unbreakable bond that Ellen has with Portia. They want to metaphorically scream from
rooftops that they are just as strong as one of the most famous same-sex couples
in the media. One well-known man that
inspires same-sex couples is Gene Robinson of the Episcopal Church, the first elected
homosexual bishop. He advocates change
in the federal and religious standings on homosexuality and same-sex
marriage. He has persevered through many
a hardship because of his sexuality, yet still holds strong to his convictions. Alex and Doug wish to be like him. They strive to make the changes in their
community that Gene Robinson has made in his, to open up the federal door to
marriage equality.
That
door doesn’t have to be hard to open as long as we, the other 95%, help them. About 41% of voters are supporters of
same-sex marriage. They want those
wedding rings to be equal to each other.
As of right now, with 39 states banning same-sex marriage, they aren’t
close to their goal. With our help,
Keri, Morgan, Alex, and Doug can get married in the next 4 years, ending their
long and painful wait for their dream day.
Let’s be the ones to walk them down the isle.
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